Choosing your wedding party!

Although this is quite unnecessary for us at this stage as we are not getting married this year, it is fun to discuss and doesn't involve any formal planning. Even at the early stages of engagement you may want to start discussing with your fiance who you would both like to be included in the wedding party. Obviously the bride to be should be in charge of her bridesmaids and likewise, the groom to be, will be expected to choose best man/men and ushers but there is no harm in discussing this together over a glass of wine or a pint of cider as my fiance and I did. This can be a good idea for several reasons:

• Allows you to discuss numbers. After all you will be paying for every additional bouquet, sporran (I'm Scottish and so is my fiance) and flower girl dress. Therefore it might pay off to find our before hand whether one of you is planning to have 20 bridesmaids or ushers and perhaps cull the numbers slightly. If money is no option then by all means 20 ushers may be acceptable but it's nice to discuss this together before hand.
• Gives you the opportunity to discuss involving other family members. Quite often sisters of the groom, brothers of the bride and nieces and nephews are included in the bridal party. However discussing this early on allows you to even up the balance if one of you has involved the others family fully and yet the other has not been mentioned or featured at all.
• Make sure they approve. Ultimately yes the decision is down to the individual who they choose but if there has been a colourful history with one person chosen then it may cause issues later on. Conversely,and in our case,my fiance had not included someone I felt was quite important to him but had not been included in the best man/usher duties. I asked if he had realised and was sure that this particular person was not to be included and he confirmed that due to a bit of a complicated history between them he felt it better if he was omitted from the duties of the day. It was my fiance's decision so I did not question this but I think it is nice to discuss wedding parties to make sure there is a level of approval there from both sides.
• To think about photos - I am having 4 bridesmaids (who I have not told yet) and although this is not that many it may still through the photos off kilter if your groom has decided on only have one best man. Likewise this could be magnified if the groom has 10 ushers and best men and the bride only chooses 1 bridesmaid. Photographs could look slightly unbalanced. If this is not something that bothers you both then that's great but again nice to discuss before hand so that you both know numbers of both sides.

In the end we opted for 4 each. My fiance is having 1 best man and 3 ushers including my brother while I am having 4 bridesmaids. We will likely have both his nieces as flower girls as they are both very sweet and lots of fun.

Obviously it is your big day and wedding parties are very personal. If you have 30 best friends, unlimited money and just can't choose between them then you may indeed want 30 bridesmaids. However the above points are just something to consider when you are choosing your wedding party and some reasons why it is good to talk about it.

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